Reframing Luck and the Shiny Side of Comparisons

For an audio version of this blog post, please click below.  Happy listening!


I’m going to jump straight in: I don’t believe in the birth right of ‘luck’ or that there are ‘lucky people’. Maybe there are times that the universe throws us a little momentum, contributing to our efforts when we need it most, but then again even that might just be a handy flow of well earned karma from past energy we’ve consciously contributed.


Ultimately, I believe that buying into ‘luck’ (as is the common definition: some people have it and others don’t and never will) is to be deeply rooted in ‘comparison’ mode; looking outward for validation as to why we can’t do something, have something, or be something. And this is natural! If I’ve had consecutively rough days I definitely find myself pondering these beliefs – but it is false validation. It’s just not true!


‘Luck’, or better put: ‘results’, transpire from dropping the safety blanket of blame and self pity, supercharging personal responsibility, committing to the hard work that comes with any worthwhile transformation, and tolerating feelings of vulnerability (aka the fear of failing), and to state the obvious: DOING IT ANYWAY.


The statement “wherever you find yourself, you’ve put yourself there” couldn’t be more true, we just have to be warm enough to silence our egos and open our minds. Sure we probably aren’t ever responsible for every single detail as to why we find ourselves feeling ‘unlucky’, however we can acknowledge where we are actively handing over our precious power that shapes our future days. We can take an honest (and sometimes overwhelming) look at whether we need to take that back from certain people, environments, or lifestyle choices, and remember it is ours to own and harness. It’s changing the “I need to do X but I can’t because of Y” to putting ourselves first regardless of discomfort that results. It’s remembering that anticipation is almost always worse than the reality.


The comparison factor isn’t all bad either. By being aware of what someone else has that we ourselves do not, and feeling desire towards that, we are recognising the changes we yearn. The step so many of us miss – and perhaps were never taught – is to honor that desire by a healthy analysis of ourselves; stepping away and taking an aerial snapshot of our own life; to seek and unearth whatever it is we personally need, and to cultivate a plan that moves us towards these desires and in turn, fulfillment. It is especially not to project back onto those whose ‘luck’ has presented only as our personal and silent messenger. When these longed-after-desires are instead given breaths of destructive jealousy, anger, excessive competitiveness, and a lack of love, they become unhelpful and unattractive. Whether we see it or not, we basically end up sending out energy that detracts from what we truly want to achieve.


With years of recreating thought paths and reshaping my lifestyle choices it’s absolutely crazy to think back around how much I measured my personal validation based on where I believed I sat compared to others. Who even cares!? And not only that, but when I put my empowering honesty glasses on and really look at what is only a version of what I desire, that version is in fact not the perfect fit for me.   For example, at times where owning my own home has surfaced as a desire, when I look to sources that may initiate that desire, they aren’t properties that have been purchased in a location or style that would leave me fulfilled if they were to be my own. Similarly, at times when I have felt a desire to be sharing my life with a partner, the relationships that surround me absolutely embody many values and qualities I admire, however not a single one of them in their exact form would be enough to secure my commitment.


Empowerment arises from recognising not only the highlights and desires triggered from another’s ‘luck’, but also the very real shortfalls that can be easy to gloss over when we attach to our own ‘unlucky’.


This can be especially true through the lenses of social media. Be aware of what you absorb! Just to clarify, this doesn’t take away from the pure happiness and joy we feel for others in our lives achieving their very own defined desires. I’ve actually found it helps me appreciate these times even more as unique and special for them. These are just two quick examples, both emitting the beauty that no two people are the same, and will therefore never desire an infinitely identical experience. Ultimately, no one else is you, and that is your gift.


‘Lucky’ is a common and easy adjective to use, it definitely still pops out of my mouth occasionally, but the difference over the last few years has been that it doesn’t do so without me knowing and respecting that it has been generated, created, and earned by the person or environment I am praising. And that includes myself too!


I know that when ‘luck’ comes my way it is as a result of the karma or energy I have mindfully shared, even when it might have been easier not to. That it is the result of the commitment, efforts and hard work that I have stood loyal to. Equally, when I’m not feeling the flow of ‘luck’, I know it is either because something is not meant to be or that there is a hard lesson I need to learn and understand before I can truly appreciate my ‘luck’ of the future.


I also like to think that we aren’t handed a journey that we aren’t strong enough to conquer. Sometimes it just takes us until the end to realize we had that strength.


I can’t tell you the amount of people who have said to me “I don’t know how you do it!” about my illness. So, if you’re feeling particularly ‘unlucky’ in comparison to another, remember that you’ve been gifted an inner strength that perhaps they may have not. Step into it and mould it to all you desire. The only thing for certain is that if “nothing changes, nothing changes” – so pick one thing, big or small, and change!


I want to end with what I believe is the formula for true empowerment and change:

  1. Acknowledging your reality;
  2. Owning the role you’ve played in arriving there;
  3. Acceptance and loyalty to each step towards where you want to be.

You deserve whatever you desire, you just have to choose it without judgment around how easy it should come to you.





2 Comments Add yours

  1. Michelle says:

    Gemma. I couldn’t agree more. I always say that Luck is where hard work meets opportunity. I love the inclusion of karma in this view and think you have done a wonderful job of articulating the possibilities that reflection and the right head space can achieve. For me it reinforces that Everyone else is already taken so I can focus on being the best me there is. Thanks x x x Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks michelle! I love that 🙂 Xx


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